apres moi le deluge
by escape reaction
Summary: "I was going to do it, I wanted to do it, but I couldn't because I'm useless. I can't even kill myself," she cried. "I can't even kill myself." SasuSaku. AU.


**apres moi la deluge means after me comes the flood. **

**i was listening to the song _apres moi_ by regina spektor while thinking up a title and i just thought that it could relate to the story. when i originally listened to the song i figured it meant 'after me comes the destruction', but when i was reading over the story i thought i could translate the meaning to be 'after me -after i'm dead- comes the flood -of blood'.  
**

**i do not own naruto. trust me on this one.**

Sasuke knocked on the door. He didn't get an answer straight away, so, as any one would do, he stood awkwardly on the door-step, running his fingers through his hair. He read over the emergency text he had received from Sakura. '_Sasuke'_ it read, '_can you please come to my house? I need you._'

Sasuke rang and knocked, but Sakura didn't answer the door. So he found the key in the pot plant that he knew was the spare. He put the key into the door and walked into Sakura's home. He pocketed the key and closed the door behind him.

"Sakura?" Sasuke asked into the empty halls. He walked the familiar route to her room and she wasn't on her bed on her laptop like he had expected. He checked the living room where he thought Sakura might be, watching movies_,_but she wasn't there either. Sasuke looked outside for her, where he concluded her to be, drinking from a tea-stained cup or reading.

He walked back to her room. "Sakura? Are you alright?"

"Sasuke?" Sakura's voice came from her bathroom across the hall. She sounded like she'd been crying.

"Oh, Sakura. Did you just get out of the shower? Um. Okay. I'll just wait until you get out. I'm in your bedroom."

"Sasuke, it's alright. You can come in," Sakura said, her voice wavering.

"Would you like me to get you some clothes?" said Sasuke awkwardly, "Or are you-"

"Sasuke, please," pleaded Sakura, cutting him off.

Sasuke walked to the bathroom and slowly opened the door. Sakura was sitting cross-legged on the floor, wrapped in a towel. Her pink hair was soaked and water was still dripping off of her. She looked up to Sasuke and her green eyes stared into his charcoal ones.

Sasuke's breath hitched in his throat and he almost gasped. She looked so _sad_. Tears were welling in her eyes and Sasuke could see that she had been crying, but when he looked at her face, didn't know where the tears had fallen. He didn't know if it was the water from the shower or from her hair or if she had covered her whole body in her tears.

Sasuke walked over to her and sat on the edge of the bath-tub. He didn't really know what to do. He had never really been told what to do in a situation like this. _Why didn't they teach this at school? _He thought. _Consoling 101._

Sakura looked up at him, like she was looking for something solid in Sasuke to hold onto so she wouldn't fall. She reached to grab Sasuke's hand and clutched it with a desperate kind of strength. Then he saw the blood. The fingers that were clutching Sasuke's were mottled with it.

The ichor had run down her arm like a flood, mixing with beads of water and staining her skin a pastel-red. A glint of silver had caught Sasuke's eye and drew it to the sink where a knife lay in a shallow pool of blood.

Sasuke gasped. "Sakura, what have you done?"

Glassy tears fell from Sakura's eyes and her shoulders shook. Sasuke took Sakura's arm and slowly traced the cuts along her arm with his thumb.

Sasuke brushed his hand across Sakura's forehead. She turned to look at him, her face twisted in sadness. "I was going to do it, I wanted to do it, but I couldn't because I'm useless. I can't even kill myself," she cried. "_I can't even kill myself_."

Sasuke took a deep breath, because it pained him to hear it. He got down on his knees and took Sakura's face in his hands.

"_Why?_"

But that was a silly question, as Sasuke already knew the answer. He saw Sakura spend hour upon hour reading fashion magazines and wishing. She had an endless array of clothes in her drawers, but thought each and every one looked ugly. She once didn't eat for three days so she could be lovely.

"I don't want to feel ugly anymore, Sasuke. Please. Tell me I'm not ugly."

Sasuke opened his eyes wide. "God, Sakura. You're not ugly. You're the prettiest person I've ever seen. You're beautiful. Sakura, you're beautiful."

Sakura shuffled closer, still crying. Sasuke grabbed her arm and pulled it to his chest. The blood leaked onto his shirt.

Sakura shook and cried into Sasuke's shoulder as he kissed her repeatedly on the head.

"When I was a kid," Sakura said, muffled by Sasuke's shirt. "I felt pain. And I said I couldn't kill myself because I hadn't felt enough pain. And today when I woke up I thought that I had felt enough pain. But now I've realised that the worst pain is being loved by no one. And when I've experienced that, then I'll kill myself.

And I will kill myself, that day when I've woken up and realised that feeling, I will."

Sakura's boldness shocked Sasuke. And he thought about what she had said. "Well," he said into Sakura's pink hair, the faint traces of a smile on his lips, "I guess I'll have to keep loving you forever, then."

**please, please, please review. **

**i'm really sorta kind proud of this one, so please. **


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